A Weird Night
Okay, so I go out with this girl that I’ve liked for a while, and it was an unmemorable time. But as I’m dropping her off in my Mini, she points out a parking space and invites me in. Sexcellent.
As we enter her apartment, he roommate and a bunch of friends are all hanging around in very casual grey clothes. They said hello awkwardly. The girl I’m out with then says, “I have to tell you something..” and then tells me about the party her roommates/friends are having where they spray condiments at each other and occasionally perform sex acts on each other. (She denied being a part of the ketchup-orgy.)
I leave, not wanting to be near such crazy. They all kinda chase after me and spray me with condiments. Covered in ketchup and mustard, I head towards my car only to find it’s missing. So I gather my emergency dental care kit and walk home.
The next day a friend of mine rings the doorbell, my mom answers, and my friend asks for my brother. There was a moving van outside. Apparently my brother agreed to store my friend’s stuff.
So we’re moving his stuff into my brother’s room and that’s when I realize: I don’t have a couch yet.
Then Alison Brie shows up and I’m like, “Hey Alison, can you believe someone stole my car last night?” And she’s looking all crazy and frazzled and guilty and goes, “yeah, sorry about that man.”
Also, if it’s not clear that was a dream and I might need help.
