Holy monkey balls, I have 50 goals for 2012
Fifty goals! That’s like more goals than have been scored in every football match throughout human history.
To make the list more readable, Imma toss in some weird pictures from 2011 I found while dumping my phone pics this morning.
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1. Sit in an orange chair.
2. Do 10 stand-up sets in at least two different venues.
3. Go to a place which I’ve never been, stay at least a week.
4. Attend some sort of multiple-day event.
5. Use up my Aeroplan points.
6. Launch an app of any sort.
7. Launch another app of any sort.
8. Put something on a mobile app store.
9. Increase the number of Illuum users tenfold.
10. Buy/steal a wingback armchair.
11. Learn to swim.
12. Watch a movie with subtitles.
13. Make a non-christmas non-family video for no good reason.
14. Go for a walk in the rain wearing shorts, sandals and a lightweight stretchy v-neck shirt.
15. Give a stranger a cookie.
16. Make a big life plan and listen for God’s laughter.
17. Go to a church on a Sunday-morning-equivalent.
18. Watch four movies in one day.
19. Read 10 books.
20. Exercise 100 times. Walking for > 30mins (in a stretch, not a day) will count only if there is no destination.
21. Finish the single player whatever of a video game.
22. Buy an expensive bottle of scotch and drink the shit out of it.
23. Get a new suit. Wear it somewhere.
24. Take any two of the following lessons: dance, musical instrument, voice, swimming or flying.
25. Take a working vacation, whatever the hell that is.
26. Have people (2+ guests) in on average once a month. Don’t murder any of them.
27. At some point have enough liquor in my apartment to intoxicate a family of elephants.
28. Actually do the math to find out how much liquor is required for #27.
29. Turn 29. (Should be easy.)
30. Don’t turn 30. (Should be even easier.)
31. Host a party. Invite lots of people. Hope some of them show up.
32. This is getting hard.
33. Figure out how #32 could be considered a goal, and do it. Avoid the too-easy sexual inference.
34. Get kicked in the balls (metaphorically) harder than I’ve ever been kicked in the balls before. Because I can’t directly kick myself in the balls, this will require putting myself in potential ball-kicking scenarios … balls.
35. New glasses.
36. Replace the HDD in my Macbook.
37. Start the lengthy, painful and expensive process of making my teeth nice.
38. Write the GMAT.
39. Miss my old glasses.
40. Get a whole new pajama rotation.
41. Paint my nails.
42. Hang something on a wall.
43. Hang with someone near a wall.
44. Jump.
45. Have some sort of sexual relations with a willing human participant.
46. Replace my Grados headphones with ones that don’t rape my ears after an hour of listening.
47. Write 25 blog posts.
48. Confront someone about something outside of any regular conversations about said something.
49. Apologize to someone about something outside of any regular conversations about said something.
50. And lastly we end on my subjective, overarching one-word goal for 2012: Fight.
