Comedy Sketch: The Proposal
Should you be wondering why I don’t blog as much or return your phone calls or remember your name, it’s because I’ve been spending a lot of time working on two new projects. They’re taking a lot of work, but I can’t wait to unveil them later this year.
In the meantime, I’m gonna dig up some old things I’ve written to keep you entertained, whatever your name is. Here’s a comedy sketch I wrote some time ago. In my head it’s a radio sketch with Robert Webb and Olivia Coleman. (I was listening to a lot of That Mitchell and Webb Sound at the time I wrote this.)
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SCENE: Couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant.
M: Listen, Claire, you are so sweet and beautiful. You’re everything any man could ever want in a woman. You’ve changed my life. Will you marry me?
C: Umm, what?
M: Will you be my wife.
C: You’re kidding, right?
M: Kidding, why would I be kidding?
C: Cause we’re just friends.
M: Wait, what?
C: Friends don’t ask friends to get married, silly.
M: Friends? I’m pretty sure we’re in a rather serious relationship.
C: What? No, no, we’re just friends.
M: Friends?
C: Friends.
M: So what about all those times we slept together?
C: With benefits.
M: But we live together.
C: Okay, so we’re roommates.
M: We share a bed. Our apartment only has one bedroom!
C: Well it’s not like we can afford a two-bedroom place in this economy.
M: Okay, well what about all those times you said, “I love you.”?
C: I do love you.
M: Ah ha!
C: As a friend.
M: Agh. What about all those dates?
C: We never went on dates, we hung out.
M: You took me home to meet your parents, for christ sake!
C: A lot of my friends have met my parents. Look, it’s not like we’ve ever said we were in a relationship.
M: It was implied!
C: It was no such thing. And if you thought we were in a relationship, you’re a dreadful boyfriend.
M: I was not!
C: You never once gave me flowers or spent Christmas or Valentine’s day with me.
M: Well that’s because you always spent them with your friend Shannon.
C: Um, about that.
M: What about her?
C: Him.
M: Him? Shannon’s a guy?…oh.
